The Orbit Report: Neapolitan Orbit Cream Crunch Launch and Iowa Hawkeyes Heartbreak

Big cosmic news: we launched a brand-new snack into the universe: Neapolitan Orbit Cream Crunch! 🚀🍦 Think freeze-dried ice cream sandwiches blasted into orbit. Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and pure nostalgia, all crunchy, all stellar, all zero-gravity approved.

Funny cartoon illustration of Sara Jane at Colonial Lanes bowling alley, and spooky Halloween vibes.

Earthly Chaos

Now, onto Earthly chaos. Last week, I was driving to the store to grab more freeze-drying supplies when I witnessed what looked like a horror movie for parents. A man on a bike, towing a baby carriage, suddenly tipped the thing over. Out rolls the “baby,” right into traffic. I’m mid-heart attack, imagining a tragic headline, while this guy, who apparently has nerves of steel, just casually parks his bike, flips the carriage upright, and strolls over like he’s late for yoga. Then… he picks up the baby and starts dancing in the street. I’m screaming inside, traffic is stopped, everyone is horrified. And then… plot twist: it wasn’t a baby at all. It was just a book bag. A BOOK BAG. He had the whole street traumatized for a backpack tango. Iowa: never boring.

Football Follies

Meanwhile, Iowa football managed to make us all cry. The Hawkeyes lost to the Indiana Hoosiers, 20–15. A nail-biter, but still a loss. At this point, the only thing crunchier than our defense is the freeze-dried candy from Torus Coffee Company.

Comic book style artwork showing a rocket ship launch of Torus Coffee Company’s Neapolitan Orbit Cream Crunch freeze-dried ice cream sandwiches.

Bowling Alley Adventures

Back in my “other orbit,” things at Colonial Lanes Bowling are wild. They’re remodeling while I’m slinging drinks. Imagine mixing cocktails while dodge-ducking paint buckets and power drills. Honestly, it’s the most action-packed bowling alley in Iowa right now. I can’t tell if I’m working or starring in an action movie!

Spooky Season Preparations

On the home front, the Haunted Halloween Hallway got spookier. Nothing says cozy fall vibes like string lights, fake cobwebs, and scaring myself at 2 a.m. when I forget I hung a skeleton in the hallway. I swear, that skeleton has the best sense of humor—always catching me off guard!

Referral Constellation Program 2025

And finally, the launch of our Referral Constellation Program 2025! 🌠 Share your code, your friend gets 5% off their first order, and you get 10% off your next cosmic snack haul once their order’s confirmed. Easy math, even after a Busch Light or two. Help our crunchy cosmos grow brighter, because freeze-dried candy tastes better when you share the orbit.

Cosmic Conclusion

So, as we float through this cosmic journey together, remember to embrace the chaos and savor the crunch. Whether it’s a wild day at the bowling alley or a surprise dance-off in the street, life is full of unexpected delights.

Until the next Orbit Report,

🌀 Stay curious. Stay crunchy. Stay cosmic.

Sara Jane Shelvock

CEO, Torus Coffee Company LLC