The Orbit Report: Aliens, Autumn, and the Hawkeye Hustle

Well folks, strap in, because this week’s orbit took a few unexpected turns, and not just the kind that comes from caffeine and chaos.

It started like any other fall week in Iowa City, Iowa, leaves turning brilliant shades of orange, yellow, and crimson; coffee brewing strong at Torus Coffee Company; and that crisp Midwestern chill whispering, “Put on a hoodie and go make some questionable decisions at the bowling alley.”

And that’s exactly where the story begins: Colonial Lanes Bowling Alley on a Thursday night, my second shift of the week. Things were normal enough. A few college kids, some regulars, the comforting crash of pins, and the smell of nachos lingering in the air. You know, classic Iowa night life.

Then he appeared.

A man walked in who looked like he’d been through about twelve different dimensions and came out the other side wearing confusion as a cologne. He sat at the bar, ordered something mysterious, and started talking loudly. At first, I thought he was ranting about fantasy football (as people tend to do this time of year). But no.

He was talking about aliens. Apparently, according to this guy, there’s a comet headed for Earth, not just any comet, but one “loaded with extraterrestrial passengers.” He said it like he had just gotten off a Zoom call with them.

Before long, he was pacing around, passionately explaining that the government was hiding “the truth about alien visitation in Iowa.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the only strange lights I’ve seen around here come from the Iowa City water tower and the gas station LED signs.

Long story short, my boss called the Iowa City Police Department, and they arrived in record time. And that’s when things got even weirder. The guy started yelling at the police about how they were part of the “cosmic cover-up.”

Claymation summary of this weeks events.

Colorful picture of the weeks events with aliens.

Crazy Guy Yelling cartoon with aliens

Colorful fun picture of this week.

I’m standing there, holding a rag, pretending to wipe down the counter while internally praying he doesn’t decide I look too suspiciously human. Because honestly, I don’t think I could explain myself well enough if he started interrogating me about where I was the night of the “asteroid alignment.”

When the situation finally calmed down, I couldn’t help but think, only in Iowa. Only at Colonial Lanes. Only on a Thursday.

That was the alien encounter of the week. 👽

Crowd Cheering for Iowa Hawkeyes in a bar

Crowd Cheering for Iowa Hawkeyes in a bar with alien and police.

Crowd Cheering for Iowa Hawkeyes in a bar with pumpkins.

Crowd Cheering for Iowa Hawkeyes in a bar outside.

Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, or at least my version of it, Sober October is in full swing, and we’re crushing it! No drinks, just steps, 94,000 steps this week to be exact. That’s about five miles a day, which means I’ve basically earned the right to eat all the Halloween candy I want.

If anyone else is doing #100MileOctober, come walk with me! The trees around Iowa City and Coralville are glowing in those perfect fall shades that make you forget you’re exercising. The crunch of leaves underfoot, the smell of bonfires, and that tiny puff of visible breath when the air hits your lungs, it’s fall perfection. 🍂

Now, let’s talk football, because in Iowa, it’s practically a second religion. This weekend was the Iowa Hawkeyes vs. Penn State showdown, and it was a rollercoaster. The Hawkeyes managed to pull off a nail-biter 25–24 win, and I think the entire state collectively exhaled at the final whistle.

But the real kicker? (Pun intended.) My husband somehow worked at the game. All week he kept telling me, “Don’t worry, I know a guy who knows a guy.” I didn’t believe him for a second. The man once got lost in our own driveway.

But sure enough, there he was on game day, dressed in black and gold, all official-looking, somehow part of the crew. I still don’t know what he was actually doing there, but according to him, it was “work.” Uh-huh. Sure, honey.

He said he didn’t really get to “watch the game,” but the smirk on his face said otherwise. I think he might’ve been working on his sideline selfie technique more than anything else. Still, he came home grinning like a kid who just got away with sneaking into a rock concert. Classic.

Outside of all that, it’s been one of those slow, beautiful weeks in the Midwest, the kind that makes you appreciate where you live. The air smells like roasted coffee beans and distant bonfires. The trees in downtown Iowa City look like they were painted by Bob Ross himself. Students are bustling, pumpkins are popping up on porches, and you can feel Halloween creeping closer every day. 🎃

There’s something magical about autumn in Iowa, it’s cozy, chaotic, and colorful all at once.

I’ve started thinking about Halloween decorations too, and let me tell you, I have zero self-control when it comes to skeletons and string lights. The second I see something spooky on sale, I’m like, “It’s for the ambiance!”

So tell me, have you started decorating yet? Got any good Halloween displays, pumpkin carvings, or ghostly setups? Share them with us on social media! I want to see the most haunted porches in Iowa. 👻

So, that’s life in our orbit this week, part paranormal, part fitness challenge, part football fever, and all Midwestern magic. From aliens at the bowling alley to Hawkeye miracles and crunchy fall walks, we’re just out here spinning through the universe one laugh at a time.

Stay tuned for next week’s adventure, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned this October, it’s that Iowa is never boring. Keep your eyes on the skies, your steps steady, and your snacks freeze-dried. 

Until the next Orbit Report,

Stay curious. Stay crunchy. Stay cosmic.

Sara Jane Shelvock CEO, Torus Coffee Company LLC